Inside every child is a structure that if healthy and whole will insulate the child from internal and external conflict. If that internal framework is broken or injured, the child will not be able to withstand outside pressures. What structurally healthy children may dabble in, broken children will embrace.

We know that this structure can be injured. We’ve all seen what happens to abused children—how they carry the abuse with them into adulthood. Sexual abuse, constant criticism, outright rejection, or neglect can seriously damage a child’s internal architecture.

But there is another injury that is as harmful as any of the abuses mentioned above that will hurt a child just as deeply emotionally. In order to understand this injury, we have to look more closely at the child’s internal structure.

Adults must know that half of a child is the father and other half is the mother. The combination of both halves is what makes up a child’s unique traits and personality. Just as children resemble their mother and father on the outside, their internal framework resembles their mother and father on the inside.

A strong internal framework is maintained by respect, obedience, and love for both  parents. This is why the fifth commandment of the Mosaic Law requires children to honor their father and mother. In doing so, the children will enjoy a lifetime of stability and emotional health. The law writes that honoring parents will bring about a long life, it will be well with those children, and they will live long in the land God gives to them.

Why is respect for both parents so critically important? Because a child’s internal framework is made up of the child’s parents. Therefore, disrespect and disloyalty to parents will damage that framework and result in children’s disrespect for themselves. Children will then experience constant personal conflict—always struggling, always unhappy, always finding fault with everything, never pleased with life, feeling that they are misfits in society.

First marriages are not immune to this problem, but it is widespread among the separated and divorced. Allowing and even promoting disrespect in children is so common that it seems to be a standard part of the divorce package. Separated parents by nature disrespect and dislike one another and pass their sentiments on to their children. Creating animosity within a child or trying to turn a child against the other parent is abuse in the most vicious degree because it practically ruins the child’s internal structure.

Resources: Building Emotionally Healthy Children: Gatekeepers, and Loving Your Stepfamily: The Art of Making Your Blending Family Work, by Dr. Donald R. Partridge. For a more comprehensive list of materials please visit our store.