The worst parenting in the world is when parents or stepparents on both sides of a divorced family oppose a parent/child relationship. It is this one-two combination that will ruin a child. To explain this clearly, we’ll use Barbara and Jim, a divorced couple, and their son Peter.

Peter’s mother is still single but his father recently married a woman named Jennifer. Barbara, furious with both Jim and Jennifer, shares her grievances with her son. Peter is being taught to favor his mother and have little to do with his father or new stepmother. Because of his mother’s influence, Peter is unpleasant and disagreeable when over at his father’s and Jennifer’s home. Returning with negative reviews Peter is roundly praised by his mother for seeing the “truth” about his “bad” father and stepmother. Peter’s favor toward his mom and disfavor toward his dad have not gone unnoticed by Jennifer.

Jennifer has decided she will not put up with Peter’s rude behavior. Sick and tired of his mean disposition, Jennifer denies Peter access to their home. She tells Jim that until Peter can behave respectfully, he can just stay at his mother’s house.

Furthermore, Jennifer opposes Jim seeing Peter away from the home. She argues that to see Peter only justifies his rude behavior and dishonors her as the stepmother. And because she feels that she and Jim are a marital team, Jim should not try to see Peter without her.

Jennifer wants Jim to join with her in condemning Peter’s rude behavior and to separate from him until the boy learns better manners.

So there we have it, the parent on the one side and the stepparent on the other, both hostile to one another but strangely in agreement about keeping Peter and his father apart. For one parent to influence a child against another is bad enough, but when two conspire together, a parent on one side and a stepparent on the other, it all but spells doom for the stability and emotional health of the child.

If the parent/child relationship is damaged in any way, positive characteristics in the child like loyalty, flexibility, endurance, kindness, and a sound relationship with God will be threatened. And the child will take these dysfunctions out into society.

This is why Scripture stands against anything that would hinder a healthy parent/child relationship. The relationship between parents and children is one of the most critical messages in all of Scripture. In fact, the Prophet sent to the earth to prepare mankind for Christ’s return has as his message the restoration of the parent/child relationship. “And he will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the earth with a curse. [Malachi 4:5,6]

Nowhere is the parent/child relationship more vulnerable than between divorced parents.

And the worst parenting possible is having a parent on the one side and the stepparent on the other ganging up against a parent/child relationship.

Because of the terrible parenting going on between the mother and Jennifer, Peter and his father are pressured to remain separate. How tragic for Peter. How tragic for the father. Under these strained circumstances, Peter and his father need each other more than ever.

Resources:

Building Emotionally Healthy Children: Gatekeepers, and Loving Your Stepfamily: The Art of Making Your Blending Family Work, by Dr. Donald R. Partridge. For a more comprehensive list of materials please go to www.ifre.org.